Getting into Hip Hop.......

Here are some videos:

Fashion style changing......

Beginning to notice whats suits white/hispanice men, doesnt suit me. I look too much of an outsider. I cant pull of these looks cause I am not of the desired race..........

still in a relationship....

Finally met a girl that likes me and gave me a chance. She is 37, ok looking, smart, independent....but part of me believes she wouldnt have given me the time or day if she was 27. Im 32, so just along for the ride. We are serious about each other, but the thought in the back of my mind is she is settling. You can call it low self esteem. Not getting a date or laid for 3 years does take a toll on ones confidence. I see other men have no trouble getting ladies and feel like i can do better but am settling since i never had any choices of women attracted to my race.....

We just are not compatible. I am scared to go back in the dating world, cause the constant rejection just destroyed me. I dont want to go back in with hate,fuck the world mentality. I want to be cool, crazy, self confident, arrogant, assertive. Dont want to go back to the dark, depressing, desperate side nor blame my skin/race for lack of success.....

Maybe I should have fun on the side, not like I am going to pickup easily....