unstifling yourself...........

Emotion=Motion. Been practicing for a day to shake away my stiff/serious vibe and go go go.started to enjoy the music.dancing at home im free at the club its diff. its like i want the perfect entry.forced myself to let go,but didnt work.i will do it eventually so y wait.working on submodalities by anthony robbin,r jeffries state change tapes.i have it in me,but its not coming out.have to drop the ISFP state like i dropped the ESTJ state.at the mall, im free....but at the club its like im paralyzed.at the mall, i see, i approach...club...im locked.have to accept the situation like i chose it, and listen to the voice behind the sounds my mind is creating. will be dancing and shaking to break state n see what happens...

Angel of Death

Uploaded my first video on youtube. A phantasmic siren and the Angel of Death waiting to take.....

here is the youtube link:

Where do we go.....Where do we go NOW

this voice that doesnt shut the fuck up when im home,but once outside it hides.Success is nothing more than pressure over time, so be relentless.Never accept your excuses.Push yourself way, WAY beyond your pain threshold.Be savage with your training, and you will see extreme improvement.

Just keep punching. That's the thing about fighting. Sure, skill is important. Sure strength matters. But endurance can overcome anything. It doesn't matter what it is - as long as you're throwing punches after the other guy has stopped throwing punches, you've won the fight.Don't give up. That is the first thing. Just keep punching.

Being blown around like a leaf in a hurricane hoping that luck would throw me a bone had taught me nothing. No. No longer would I be that leaf. I would be the hurricane.
I would be the fucking hurricane.

How? How did u keep urself sane? Two things. Firstly - by any means necessary. Achieved by any means necessary. That is how you need to keep your spirits alive. By any means necessary.   Secondly, you can look at a tricky approach in two ways. As massively negative, or just really positive no matter what the outsome because you are facing your terror head on and saying to it "Fuck you, terror. Fuck you till you die."

Strength of character is a choice. It doesn't come down to a choice, it doesn't contain a choice. It IS a choice. Get busy living, or get busy dying. This is the only choice we monkeys ever face in any situation. Get busy living, or get busy dying. You face that choice in every situation. It is the only choice you'll ever really make - everything else is just the specifics of how that fundamental choice plays itself out in context. It is the beating heart of free will. Go on or give up. Fight or fold. Live or die.

I took the only option I had. And when I choose to do something, I do it. I do it with every atom of strength at my disposal. Why? Because it seemed obvious to me that this was the only possible exit. This was the only possible escape. Nothing else had any real promise. It was this, or nothing. This or unhappiness for the rest of my life and whatever fate awaited me afterward. That is the choice which I believe we all face. I did not fight as hard as I did because I am intrinsically more passionate than others. I fought so hard because I saw the choice so clearly.

--DR JEKYLL MR HYDE

The ultimate truth of who you are is not I am this or I am that, but I Am.

You can only lose something that you have, but you cannot lose something that you are

Give up defining yourself - to yourself or to others. You won't die. You will come to life. And don't be concerned with how others define you.

--Eckhart Tolle

"If you do not conquer self, you will be conquered by self."- Napoleon Hill

0 approaches, but breakthrough from reading article

Tried doing the state, power of now...but once in the club....just went calm.i was waiting for the state to kick in, but end up getting more nervous than before. i dont know if getting in state is for me.didnt get mad,or berate myself, cause i was using my mind. my mind is not use to this. u r not ur mind. doubt if i will use the state again. read something very interesting....

"Its massive action, pain, reflection, and making adjustments from what you learn infeild. I feel no pity for you because you have not taken the first step seriously. Looking for someone to give you permission to challenge your self to step up is absolutely weak. You don't need anyone to give you the ok to man the fuck up. You choose, you say what ever it takes, you make it happen and you put in the time. 
Going out more often, interacting with women more, will force you through the pain of meeting girls you like and then having them viciously reject you for the weakenesses in your personality.  This forces you to KILL those weaknesses and allow parts of yourself to DIE.  The game, then, is a combination of a lot of FUN of going out, and then PAIN of having amazing women who you feel strong emotions for reject you for idiot-douchebags who have the whole "relate as a man to a woman" thing down better than you do.
She is still seeing from you -- little bitchboy weaknesses that you've gotta weed out and exchange for pure self amused sexual don't give a fuck attitude -- and this is only going to come with a lot MORE interaction with women."

I WILL NOT BE DENIED!!!!

Besides doing power of now,visualization of S+A,i started doing something new.Spoke with this guy who does visualization, in which he becomes the character,with strong emotions=to get into state.Even though doing strong emotional visualization with how things are suppose to be, it lasts only for couple of minutes.Im talking about doing this for a good 30 minutes.Once in the club, my mind is completeley off. Dont know if this is good thing because I dont approach.Tried 2 approaches and it went well,but i ejected.Hate that shit.While other guys were getting drunk n not approaching girls,i was trying to make moves.The NOW gets extremely powerful once im meditating in that state.Everything shutsdown.Cant wait for the state to come to me,so will have to plow.My negative mindset is changing slowly.Have to go out more, like start on Wednesday,rather than wait on friday.Will continue the visualization,but not rely on state

If you do not conquer self, you will be conquered by self.

the self being the EGO.having some extreme bitterness,dark depression,suicidal thoughts,hate,lonliness,bitching,whining,fuck everyone phase.practicing the power of now to get some peace n just enjoy the present.

talked with a guy who read me some of my old emails.not much has changed.one thing that caught my eye was i overcame my fears but it took 3 to 4 years.but i did overcome AA,talking with strangers.but y did it take 4 yrs for my mind to accept it will happen.if it was going to happen,it should have happened right away.
If not now, when?cant fight with the mind or it will strengthen. just have to let it be n show it without getting negative.Accept - then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it. This, too, will pass.

finally hanging out with this 50 y.o natural who has slept with 1000 girls...thats what he says??

so this is guy is italian israeli mix. i heard about him sleeping with more than 1000 girls through a friend. he doesnt sleep with them that night but gets them on a date and sleeps with him on day 2.he told me he has 60 girls that he can fuck anytime. so we go out. buy him 6 pack, get some weed. we go out n he socializing with everybody. this guy is 5'6,with ponytail,hawain shirt,sneakers,n cargo shorts.he is talking with everybody...reminds me of lefty from donnie brasco.i havent had sex in a long long time, so i want to see him talk to girls. from 2p-9pm. he doesnt approach one girl.i had to force him to talk to a girl and he got blown out in one sec. whole night, only 2 girls.he shows me pix of girls on his phone, hb10 hot..turns out he use to run a prostitute ring. this guy is 6 beer bottles down, and runs away with the weed lol. we went to west indian parade, italian festival, walked around, but not one girl did he approach. he kept on telling me that enjoy life n girls will come along. i was like, get me some pussy bitch. turns out his relatives had a nasty look whenever he showed up. so he calls this black 22 year old girl up. im already done...we pick her up. he tells me i can sleep with her but will have to pay for the room. this girl has hair on her armpits. looks like she is on crack. i tell him hell no. now he wants me to buy her crack or something, cause she wants some. i was like im broke. dropped him off and got the fuck out.

heard about this ENTJ(myers briggs personality) guy. this one is a master of mistery methood lol. he is 56 also and looks 30. he would tell me what im doing wrong, but would never approach. guys in jersey said he was real good. after 6 double vodkas straight up, he cant open. i ask him to show me, n he says he doesnt have to prove to me. wtf?? lmao. when i open girls, he cockblocks me. i ask him y would he do that. he says so i can get better? i was like wtf? i got other guys cockblocking me, i dont need one more. he tells me he knows more than mysstery and is older than all the great pua, so he knows more. knows more my ass. we go to a strip club, since he has stripper game. yeah he has stripper game, after showering them with a $1000.  he tells me u have to pay the stripper otherwise they dont talk to u. i opened strippers without the singles n told them im a stripper n they have to pay me. he starts judging what i should have done, and what im doing wrong. i guess what im doing wrong is not paying them $1000 showers. not one lap dance, nothing, we go home.

point being....some guys believe they r good n that is there reality. no matter what happens, they r delusional to this belief. but this is just fucking crazy lol. atleast i approach n get blownout, but i approach. anyway, power of now time n read some beliefs.

l8r

This, too, will pass.

My mind is suicidal. the past is dark,depressing,lonely. the future is hopeless,depressing,alone.all i have is the NOW.

Knowing yourself deeply has nothing to do with whatever ideas are floating around in your mind.  The mind puts me down, wants an answer which i cant give. Only answer is being present,which the mind doesnt understand.The mind seeks the answer outside by rebelling, pumping up the music, lashing out at everyone to make sense and understand y. It goes through the history chapters,looking for a cure,some hope.When it cant find an answer, it dies...bringing u depression.If you open the back door,the depression will jump on u as a symbiote.....

.....if you give in....u get extremely depressed.The mind couldnt find an answer and has given up.Given up on you.The mind will taunt you,when you dont take action.When its time to step up,the mind runs around in loops looking for an answer.But in reality,your actions were in the NOW.Mind goes nuts....and gets exhausted.The key to transformation is to make friends with this moment. What form it takes doesn't matter.Say yes to it. Allow it.Be with it. This, too, will pass.                                                                   

BLACK NIMBUS

Got back from the shore. Noticed how everytime a goddess walked by, the guys would just freeze. Cant blame them, as i was a deluded wallflower myself for alil bit.No liquor is easy but takes alil push. All of sudden i felt this rush, in which my mind was completely off. I got few glances of the NIMBUS. i got blown out by girls i approached. This time, rather than fighting with my mind and resisting....i said YES to the moment and surrendered. The beast is coming out....just have to give it alil push.....

                                                                                  

No more reaction time.

"Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on.

Give up defining yourself - to yourself or to others. You won't die. You will come to life. And don't be concerned with how others define you.

Whenever you interact with people, don't be there primarily as a function or a role, but as the field of conscious Presence. "

--Eckhart Tolle

......WAKE UP!

 The past has no power over the present moment.

Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge.

The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it.

Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment.

Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on.

Give up defining yourself - to yourself or to others. You won't die. You will come to life. And don't be concerned with how others define you.

Whenever you interact with people, don't be there primarily as a function or a role, but as the field of conscious Presence.

You can only lose something that you have, but you cannot lose something that you are

Life isn't as serious as the mind makes it out to be

You find peace not by rearranging the circumstances of your life, but by realizing who you are at the deepest level.

Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it.

Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist, persists.

You find peace not by rearranging the circumstances of your life, but by realizing who you are at the deepest level.

This, too, will pass.

Death is a stripping away of all that is not you. The secret of life is to "die before you die" --- and find that there is no death.

The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but thought about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking.

Accept - then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it.

Time isn’t precious at all, because it is an illusion.

You do not become good by trying to be good, but by finding the goodness that is already within you, and allowing that goodness to emerge

Is there a difference between happiness and inner peace? Yes. Happiness depends on conditions being perceived as positive; inner peace does not

Being must be felt. It can't be thought.

Don't let a mad world tell you that success is anything other than a successful present moment

Always say “yes” to the present moment. What could be more futile, more insane, than to create inner resistance to what already is? what could be more insane than to oppose life itself, which is now and always now? Surrender to what is. Say “yes” to life — and see how life suddenly starts working for you rather than against you

If not now, when?

The greater part of human pain is unnecessary. It is self-created as long as the unobserved mind runs your life.

...the past gives you an identity and the future holds the promise of salvation, of fulfillment in whaterver form. Both are illusions.

Don't Seek Happiness. If you seek it, you won't find it, because seeking is the antithesis of happiness

To offer no resistance to life is to be in a state of grace, ease, and lightness. This state is then no longer dependent upon things being in a certain way, good or bad.

Knowing yourself is to be rooted in Being, instead of lost in your mind.

Become conscious of being conscious

Listen to the silence underneath the sounds

All problems are illusions of the mind.

You are not your mind.

The mind cannot forgive, only You can.

The moment you truly forgive, you have reclaimed your power from the mind

Forgiveness is to offer no resistance to life--to allow life to live through you.

Attention is the key to transformation--and full attention also implies acceptance.

No matter what happens on the outside, nothing can shake you anymore.

Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking.Separate them from the situation, which is always neutral, which always is as it is.

Knowing yourself deeply has nothing to do with whatever ideas are floating around in your mind.

Accept the present moment and find the perfection that is deeper than any form and untouched by time.

Rather than being your thoughts and emotions, be the awareness behind them.

The ultimate truth of who you are is not I am this or I am that, but I Am.

It may look as if the situation is creating the suffering, but ultimately this is not so--your resistance is.

When you accept what is, every moment is the best moment. That is enlightenment.

When you are present,when your attention is fully & intensely in the Now,Being can be felt,but it can never be understood mentally.

Be aware of your breathing.Notice how this takes attention away from your thinking and creates space.

All you really need to do is accept this moment fully. You are then at ease in the here and now and at ease with yourself.

It is not so much that you use your mind wrongly, you usually don't use it at all. It uses you

If you can neither enjoy or bring acceptance to what you do--stop

The ego doesn't know that the source of all energy is within you, so it seeks it outside.

Whatever you accept completely will take you to peace, including the acceptance that you cannot accept, that you are in resistance.

Knowing yourself as the awareness behind the voice is freedom

The truth is: you don't HAVE a life, you ARE life.

Your unhappiness ultimately arises not from the circumstances of your life but from the conditioning of your mind.

Feel the energy of your inner body. Immediately mental noise slows down or ceases.

Leave Life alone. Let it be.

Nonresistance is the key to the greatest power in the universe.

Ultimately, there is only one problem: the time-bound mind itself.

The mind cannot forgive. Only YOU can.

You find God the moment you realize that you don't need to seek God.

The light is too painful for someone who wants to remain in darkness.

Feel your whole body from within, as a single field of energy...Let this be your practice in the days and weeks to come.

You can't think about presence, and the mind can't understand it. Understanding presence is BEING present.

To listen to silence, wherever you are, is an easy and direct way of becoming present.

Is your doing surrendered or nonsurrendered? This is what determines your success in life, not how much effort you make.

Whatever your life situation is, how would you feel if you completely accepted it as it is--right Now?

Be still. Look. Listen. Be present.

Feel the aliveness within your body. That anchors you in the Now.

The key to transformation is to make friends with this moment. What form it takes doesn't matter.Say yes to it. Allow it.Be with it

True happiness is found in simple, seemingly unremarkable things.

Whenever you are conscious of the breath, you are absolutely present...Conscious breathing stops your mind.

Whereas mind-energy is hard and rigid, Being-energy is soft and yielding and yet infinitely more powerful than mind.

Once you realize and accept that all structures(forms)are unstable, even the seemingly solid material ones, PEACE arises within you

Here is a new spiritual practice for you: don't take your thoughts too seriously.

Forgiveness is to offer no resistance to LIFE--to allow LIFE to live through you.

A great silent space holds all of nature in its embrace. It also holds YOU.

It's up to YOU to open a portal in your life that gives you conscious access to the Unmanifested.

Nonresistance, nonjudgment, and nonattachment are the three aspects of true freedom and enlightened living.