enjoying the last days of this year

went out to park east tonite.was just starring at girls.had anxiety,depressed,waiting for the perfect opening.everytime i think of girls i get in that victim mentality state.i really dont have time for girls.if 2012 is the end,than i want to enjoy myself,put myself forward.putting women on a pedestal,selling myself so she finally says yes to me,having someone to care for u,go on a date with u,share things with u....never got that chance.being depressed,giving up on life is not the way i want this year to end.being stiff,waiting for perfection to come in,getting jealous when i see other people smiling,watching couples n feeling hurt,friends/brothers getting married while im the one who should b...just makes it worse for me.i just want to breakaway from all of this.i want to celebrate and will celebrate myself.