breaking away....

My mind is in a different place.Reading the last thread makes me think n realize how negative,desperate,depressing,somewhat rebellious my blog has been.I cant say i wont go back to old ways,but i have been feeling different.

I was reading more about aries.....went back in time where i did job interviews,family parties,blah blah blah.Never put so much pressure on myself n just took action.My focus was not a person,place,or thing.I cant figure out what im focusing on,but anything in between from people,meetings,numbers, dont really matter. its chaotic.Not sitting still, nor standing still.Just throwing urself in there.As soon as my mind starts doubting, everything falls like a stack of cards.

Have been listening to the following song and watching videos to change my negativity.

Couple of days ago, I was suicidal/depressed of going out.Hated going out n approaching.Its not that i couldnt,but i just didnt enjoy it.Well i am working n have killed/ignore/erase those weaknesses of pity,y me,fuck the world,when will god,help me,dark thoughts to more happy,chaotic,fun,charismatic,daring,rebellious thoughts.it wont happen overnight.The old pattern is...approach>rejection>others success>jealous>y me>when will my turn come>depressed>suicidal>hate>rebellious>music>pressure>get laid or dye trying>mr perfect>right moment>wrong way approach>never good enough>perfectionist mindset>go home alone>music loud>swearing>full of hate>dying>rebel>rage>cant take it>y me>depressed>suicidal>sleepy>get back up n keep on moving.

Creativity is often blocked by trying to be perfect "Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep."