Today i felt like the ending of a film called Black Swan. I feel the feathers are coming out. I am scared but i now see what i have to become to get what i want. it started with a trip to hoboken......
............the vodka didnt work. half a bottle and im sober like i just hard a mixed flavored drink. talked with girls here and there. But then, wait for it......i entered chandelier room in the W hotel. two girls i opened got me in. its like they were open but lost interest in who i was....the beginning of what im afraid of.tried to speak with a couple of girls but nothing. out of no where, i grabbed to white girls with my CLAW and they loved it.it lasted for a couple of minutes but thats it. this is not who i am, but who i am is not working. after that i locked up completely. self sabotage u may call it. i see a vision if u may, a clear picture of who im becoming, but this path is very destructive mentally and physically. after reading a couple of thread of different users, im beginning to see the end of my innocence. hell hath no fury like a man scorned................
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