Nicolas Cage Losing His Shittttt

Getting into Hip Hop.......

Here are some videos:

Fashion style changing......

Beginning to notice whats suits white/hispanice men, doesnt suit me. I look too much of an outsider. I cant pull of these looks cause I am not of the desired race..........

still in a relationship....

Finally met a girl that likes me and gave me a chance. She is 37, ok looking, smart, independent....but part of me believes she wouldnt have given me the time or day if she was 27. Im 32, so just along for the ride. We are serious about each other, but the thought in the back of my mind is she is settling. You can call it low self esteem. Not getting a date or laid for 3 years does take a toll on ones confidence. I see other men have no trouble getting ladies and feel like i can do better but am settling since i never had any choices of women attracted to my race.....

We just are not compatible. I am scared to go back in the dating world, cause the constant rejection just destroyed me. I dont want to go back in with hate,fuck the world mentality. I want to be cool, crazy, self confident, arrogant, assertive. Dont want to go back to the dark, depressing, desperate side nor blame my skin/race for lack of success.....

Maybe I should have fun on the side, not like I am going to pickup easily....

Letting go of the ego.......

Had to face some tough rejections today. Two jobs that I needed desperatley to support myself. Even though I went on 2 dates in 2 weeks, that died also. First thing comes to mind is rebelling and looking for someone/image strong enough to deal with it.This just makes the ego stay with the pain, causing the pain to be me.Images, videos, visualizations are alot about the rejection,hate,and suffering.Freeing myself I have to let the pain die and not give it any representation.Otherwise I wont survive. I was going to represent this post with an image,but that contradicts to what I wrote. With my birthday coming up, I have to let go of everything....

Every time we take an act of courage, we gain a point of confidence.

Stop perfecting what doesn't work in your life:If you continue to loop the thought, "This isn't fair... I'm so angry" you're not able to stay in a place of confidence.

Another confidence killer: Your comfort zone!

Working through my introverted feelings.Broke so cant go out much.Not doing what im suppose to be respecting Extroverted Thinking than before.

Even though I had a couple of makeouts, I can do better. I have to click the switch off and than go.RSD does it w/o booze.20-30 rejections in a row till it hits them....Letting the false self die since it is no help. In a fight of any kind; physical or otherwise...if im not dead than I WIN!

VALENTINES DAY MASSACRE OF EM

1.no point in googling for anyone to relate
2.not ur world
3.outkast
4.rules dont apply to u
5.there is no right or wrong
6.extroverted thinking instead of introverted feeling
7.daydreaming is for pussies
8.make a bigger mess
9.let the weakness die
10.daydreaming carries the weakness, let the world kill u
11........